Saturday

My Meeting with God at Starbucks

First of all, I want to thank each of you for your prayers and comments. It has been such a bright spot for my husband and me. A few of you even left a comment for the first time. It is so great to have new friends! All of you encourage us to keep on keeping on with this cruel adoption process.

Where we are at this point...
Well, our attorney was too busy to give us an update yesterday. His assistant thinks that we were given a previo solely for the purpose of registering with the new Central Authority (I won't even go into how unfair this is). Herein lies the problem... our file wasn't released from PGN until Friday, Feb. 1st. Our attorney picked it up and tried to submit it for registration at the Central Authority, as per PGN's request. However, the Central Authority is no longer accepting cases for registration. The deadline was 30 days from the beginning of the new law (The new law started Dec. 31st). That means that January 31st was the cut off. At this moment in time we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. PGN didn't release our file in time to be registered. I am hopeful that Monday we will get some more clarification. This just makes no sense!

I just wish I could talk face-to-face in person with God on this. I would meet him at Starbucks and ask him so many questions. We would sit in the back corner, just the two of us. I bet we would get the big comfy chairs- and not even have to wait for them! He knows everything I'm thinking about, but I made my list of questions for Him anyway. Here goes...

1. Why? Why is this taking so long?
2. Why has EVERY step at EVERY level been such a struggle? (Our I-600 was lost at USCIS, we had to get a home study addendum and lost a whole month in the wait, our whole file was lost at the U.S. Embassy in Guatemala and we had to re-do our entire dossier, we got kicked out of PGN too late to register with the new Central Authority. Adoptions in Guatemala are completely falling apart- the whole system)
3. What more can I give you, God? You have my heart. I am fasting regularly and praying without ceasing. I am praising and worshipping you, even in dispair, out of obedience.
4. Would MORE people praying for us help?
5. I'm using the only weapons you've given me for battle- the sword of the spirit and the shield of faith. Can I get some reinforsements here? I'm just so tired of fighting.
6. Why is Isabella in an orphanage? Why isn't she with a loving foster family who cherishes her? She lays in her orphanage crib day in and day out. The effects of orphanage life are taking a great toll on her body.
7. Will you make a way for me to foster her in Guatemala? Do I look for a roommate so we feel safe? Kirk would never let me go alone. How will we pay for it? Do I take the boys and homeschool them? You already know I would really, really love that!
8. When will she be home, Father? I'm so tired of being sad. It's kind of like I carry around a little sadness in my pocket every day. Some days my pocket feels a little lighter and other days my pocket is very, very heavy. What will life be like without sadness in my pocket every day?


Well, with our Starbucks Guatemalan coffee grown cold, I'm sure it would be time for God to leave. He's in high demand these days. I wonder how we would say good-bye? I could imagine Him giving me a hug... a HUGE melt-your-heart-to-die-for kind of hug... and knowing that SOMEHOW everything was going to be O.K.

20 comments:

Suzanne and Jayme said...

Can I join you for coffee. I won't say a word since your questions are the same as mine. If you find the answers please share them with me. I feel the same sadness and pain everyday and pray that the lord will calm us and reasure us that our babies will be home someday. My thoughts and prayers are with you
Suzanne

Ashley said...

Are you on the fostering families of antigua yahoo group? I'm POSITIVE you could find a roomate. Also, if it were only you going down you could consider Casa Bella (I think casabella112.com is their site) it's only $500/mo for a room and 3 other mothers live in this huge beautiful house - which is gated with a security guard.

My BIGGEST regret in Madeline's adoption was that I was not able to foster in Antigua - and I LOVED Antigua on our pick up, which made me even more sad.... I hope you can do it.

Auntie G said...

I am so sorry this has happened. I will be praying for your case.
Gail

Ferrick said...

My dear forum friend, you are the second person this week that I have heard this from. "Why"? God has so worked on this very same issue with me for the last 2 years and I posted my progress on my blog. I encourage you to read it. I am praying Paul's prayer for you daily. Blessings, Susie
http://ferrickfamilypromise.blogspot.com/

Steve & Amy said...

Stacy...my heart is breaking for you right now. I know what you are feeling with all of this anger, confusion, and sadness. I pray each night that the Lord let Bella come home soon. I know he hears my prayers...and I know he will answer them. Just letting you know that you are not alone. Your blogging buddies are her to lift you up. Sending lots of hugs your way!

Jennifer & Craig said...

We're all praying with you that's for sure! It's all so unfair. If it makes you feel any better they have confirmed that it is 30 business days, not calendar days...so the deadline is Feb 12th. I think the CA is just down for the timebeing until the amparos are worked out. Praying for good news this week.

And for some light hearted fun in the midst of all this madness...

Tag, you're it! Check out my blog for the rules at www.journeytoavagrace.blogspot.com

Jen :)

Donnie, Cheri, Brock, Alex, Logan....Coming Soon Malaena-Sloan said...

Stacy...I'm trying to get my mind off all the negative energy. SO, I'm participating in this game and I'm passing it on...Your IT! That's right...tagged. Please visit my blog for rules.
harrisquest.blogspot.com. Keep the faith! Cheri

Joanna said...

Stacy,
I've read a lot of blogs, and had a variety of emotions...but this, this blog post was by far one of the most touching to me and I have goosebumps and tears welling up in my eyes as I read your questions to God. They are so honest, sincere, and I KNOW God is listening to you. I'm praying for some answers for you soon. It's good to know that when you go to Starbucks with God, you don't have to wait for the big, plush chairs in the back. :)

Much love to you...
Joanna

"Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes God lets the storms roll and calms the child." (or something like that). :)

kim1t2 said...

Keep praying and giving God praise, for in Him all things are possible :)

Psalm 59:16-17

But I will sing of your strength,
in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.

Steph said...

Stacy - I have many of the same questions and some days my heart is soooo heavy with yearning for answers. This process is definitely a challenge of faith, in all regards. I can't seem to shake that sadness either. Hoping and praying for some comfort and for some answers very soon. You're definitely not alone in this journey.

demp5 said...

Dear Stacy,
I am down here in Antigua with my children. Come join us!

Amanda said...

Stacy,
Email me about fostering. I'm trying to find a way to do it sooner rather than later. My email is amanda.austin@gmail.com.

This is so unfair. I know when it is over, that we will fully understand God's timing. It is so perfect. But in the moment of pain, that is little comfort. Please know that although Bella is in an orphanage, she is in the palm of God's hand being comforted and adored and cherished by Him every moment.

You are in my prayers.
Much love and peace to you and your family. If there's anything I can do for you while I'm in GC this week, please don't hesitate to ask.

Amanda

The gFamily said...

As we sang, Blessed Be the Name of the Lord, at church this morning, I thought of you and sweet Bella and prayed.

I am praying that God comforts you more than you could ever imagine and I pray that He does meet you somewhere special, whether it be Starbucks or your car. I pray that He makes a way for you to go and be with Sweet Bella sometime soon! And I am praying that somehow you are there when we go down next! I would love to meet you and Bella! Lots of prayers going up! It's a great thing we serve an awesome God!!

I am sending you lots of hugs tonight!!
Gretchen

Nikki & Jeff said...

Wow, I'd love to join you, too, for coffee! Great questions you have for Him!

Stay strong, God is right here with us... we just don't see Him sometimes.

Lots, lots of hugs!

Nikki & Jeff said...

Oh by the way...

Tag, you're it!

Check out my blog for the rules at:
www.beattyjourney.blogspot.com

SMILE!

Kris and Mindy said...

I just want you to know that I am praying for you and although I don't have the amswers...it's OK to cry, to get it out, because we are all here to listen and to lend our hearts and prayers to you. I hope that you get the answers that you deserve SO much very, very soon and in the meantime...you are never far from my thoughts OR my prayers...
Hugs

Jaimee said...

Stacy,

I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking about you and praying for you. I am so sorry this is taking so long and I hope you get some answers soon. Miss Isabella needs to come home. I also hope you get to go foster, that would be an amazing opportunity. Hugs.

-Jaimee

Darcy said...

Praying for you! I hope all is resolved. I can't imagine how heart wrenching to know she is laying in an orphanage. This beautiful little girl needs to home with a family who is head over heals in love with her and will cherish every moment.
Darcy McMurray
McMurraymania.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Stacy,

What a touching post. I know just how you feel, we had to do two complete homestudies, start with a new agency, we lost five months causing us to hit this Hague slow down at every turn, PA's came fast for my neighbor, then bam, 60 day wait, we hit that but waited 79; then we found out we could not get into PGN because the birthmom was "missing" missing since DNA, though our atty, same one as yours, never told us, we hired a PI, the Mom is found the same week, mid Oct. Into PGN 10/29 ko-FIVE previos, back in 12/10 and thankfully OUT on 1/28. All the summer clothes on racks in the "girls room", are too small. I thought this was so hard, but then, along the way we tried to adopt another child and lost her and then another and lost her on 1/14. I too can't figure out what God's plan is? Why did this have to be so painful? I do know when you have Isabella home and I have Ana, it will all melt away. God bless you girlfriend. You are in my prayers and I will take pictures for you soon.

Melissa

Chanan and Rachael said...

Stacy, what a walk with the Lord that you have. Right now for me I feel like I have been swallowed up since we started the adoption in June and I can't seem to take my foot off of the breaks long enough to fall on my face before the Lord!! Just quick prayers feeling totally unworthy for not spending more precious time with my Precious Father and redeemer. You are an inspiration....fasting seems so long ago..but so bless-sed...where am I in my walk..I know that he is my all..but what am I doing?
Something else....
I noticed that you mentioned Mt. Hermon..Were you in Israel??
Rachael http://adoptingbabyhope.blogspot.com/